It will be a special moment today when I make my return to the rugby field. This is what I have always done ever since I was a young boy. Rugby is what I know.
I have not played for almost eight months and it's been a long road with the lockdown and picking up a recent foot niggle.
It will be only my second game in 12 months. I have missed it. The thing I miss most about playing is the adrenaline. Running out at the Principality Stadium, Parc y Scarlets, going out to the crowds. That's probably the best part.
I know there will be no crowds for a while, which will be weird and strange.
One thing I don't miss is the build-up because I have never liked that. I get too nervous. I am not quite as bad as Neil Jenkins feeling sick in the showers before matches, made famous by the iconic 1997 'Living with the Lions' video. But I do feel those nerves before matches, always have, always will.
If it's a two o'clock game, I will have breakfast at nine and can't eat anything else, that's it. I won't have a pre-match meal. Sometimes if the game kicks off at five o'clock I only have one meal. It's been the same ever since I was young. I have always been nervous, even when I was playing club rugby for Waunarlwydd, Penlan or Llanelli.
Second Scarlets stint
The game I mention will be for the Scarlets in Benetton tonight, not for Wales in Paris against France tomorrow evening.
At international level it is harder to get back that match fitness, so I was more than happy to go back and play with the Scarlets, rather than being flogged on Saturday in camp where you don't really get that game intensity back.
I have been waiting so long to make my second Scarlets debut after returning from Saracens earlier this year.
I loved my two and a half years with Saracens and was sad the way it ended. They have a great team ethos and made me and my fiancee Sophie feel welcome. I am still in contact with a lot of the players and still play 'Call of Duty' with some of them.
Leaving was a tough choice, but I was injured at the time. It was just before the Six Nations and we had a discussion with the coaches because I wanted to do my rehab back in Wales and we sorted out something with Scarlets.
My last game for Scarlets was a nice way to end my first stint here because it was the Pro12 final against Munster in Dublin in May 2017 when we won the league. I would have hoped to play before now, but I have only been able to start one game since the World Cup last year.
It has been a difficult summer on and off the field. It's been tough with players taking a 25% pay cut because of the situation we find ourselves in. We spoke collectively and wanted to help keep professional and grassroots rugby going in Wales, so we were more than happy to agree that deal together.
With the off-the-field stuff sorted out, I just wanted to get back on the field, but that has been delayed following a frustrating year.
It was tough to take getting injured in training on the Tuesday before the World Cup semi-final match against South Africa. I flew back and had the operation with months of rehabilitation on that.
I was picked in the Wales squad for the Six Nations having had little rugby for Saracens at that point. My ankle was not great and I managed to play against England for that one game and thought I would be back on track to hopefully start against Scotland before everything locked down.
I thought I would be playing loads of rugby, but that did not happen. I picked up a foot injury after lockdown. Running in a straight line was fine. Changing direction was a problem.
I have a screw in my fifth metatarsal from the 2015 World Cup and it was giving me some stick and over the space of six weeks it was getting worse.
I had a couple of scans and nothing showed up, but I stopped and had a couple of weeks off my feet and started to build up again gradually.
I was in the injured group for about six or seven weeks. That is a place no player wants to be. You are in at 7.30am every morning for weights.
I have battled through and in the past three or four weeks it has felt good and I have not experienced any problems.
I was grateful to be named in the Wales squad despite not having played. The international camp is different to anything we have experienced so far, even though we have had practice at the regions with the Covid-19 bubble.
Before you get into training you do an online questionnaire which gets logged. There will be a guy at the door taking your temperature and you have your mask on. With Wales you have to wear gloves to get your food and wear masks at all times unless you are eating or at the table.
There is stuff you can't do you could have done before. No cards, games of gin rummy, which sucks. With Wales we have a big room to ourselves which I am not a massive fan of because I would rather be having a laugh and a joke in a room. My roomie traditionally is Gareth Davies, who I am quite tight with, but we have separate rooms now.
The entertainments committee is as important now as ever and we have been up to our eyeballs. I am not there currently, but have still been trying to help with stuff.
Wednesday is traditionally the players' day off, when we would go home to our families. That void has to be filled in the weeks we all stay in the bubble.
There was a coffee, croissants and cake morning on Wednesday and Dan Biggar was doing closest to the pin on the golf course. Even that was different because they would have to use individual buggies because of Covid-19. There is no walking - we are saving the legs for the weekend.
I normally put on a quiz and do the music. Everybody gives me two songs and I stick it on a Spotify play list and that plays in the team room throughout the day. I also brought in new darts and a ping-pong ball.
There is a serious side. Everybody recognises what a privileged position we are in, but we have to keep the spirits up and fill the voids of not seeing our families.
You don't want to be in your hotel room doing nothing in this bubble. You want to be around the boys even if that means watching a movie we put on, playing pool, darts or ping-pong. You need to keep the boys occupied. It is about trying not to be repetitive - you need to mix things up.
Hopefully I will be back in the Wales camp permanently soon - we will see how tonight goes.
There is a pot of gold at the end of the season so I just want to get back playing well and stay fit. The Lions is every man's dream. I was on the last one and very fortunate to start all three Tests and I'm very thankful for that opportunity. I'm hoping to get back and stay fit now.
It is a long time with the autumn series, Six Nations and the time in between with your region. For me the aim is just to start playing well and try and keep on that track.
There is plenty of competition in the Wales back-three with world-class players like George North, Leigh Halfpenny and Josh Adams, and someone like Louis Rees-Zammit deserves his chance.
So I will be like any Wales fan on Saturday, cheering on the team, hopefully 24 hours after celebrating a Scarlets victory. It's so nice to be back.