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Former Premier League referee David Coote has said he hid his sexuality during his career, fearing the abuse he would receive for being gay.
Coote, 42, said the pressure of his work contributed to the behaviour that led to his sacking by the Professional Game Match Officials Limited (PGMOL) in December.
Speaking to the Sun in an interview published on Monday night,, external he said: "I'm gay and I have struggled with feeling proud of being 'me' over a long period of time.
"I have received deeply unpleasant abuse during my career as a ref and to add my sexuality to that would have been really difficult."
Coote, who officiated more than 100 top-flight games, gave his first interview to the Sun, the newspaper which led the reporting of his misconduct.
In a separate statement issued late on Monday, he apologised for the behaviour that led to his sacking, saying: "This has been one of the most difficult periods of my life. I take full responsibility for my actions, which fell way below what was expected of me.
"I am truly sorry for any offence caused by my actions and for the negative spotlight it put on the game that I love. I hope people will understand that they were private moments taken during very low times in my life. They do not reflect who I am today or what I think."
Speaking about his sexuality to the Sun, Coote said he felt a "deep sense of shame" during his teenage years and told his parents when he was 21 and his friends when he was 25.
"My sexuality isn't the only reason that led me to be in that position," he said. "But I'm not telling an authentic story if I don't say that I'm gay, and that I've had real struggles dealing with hiding that.
"I hid my emotions as a young ref and I hid my sexuality as well - a good quality as a referee but a terrible quality as a human being," he said. "And that's led me to a whole course of behaviours."
He has spoken as police investigate "threats and abuse" directed at referee Michael Oliver following Arsenal's game against Wolves on Saturday.
Coote revealed that he received death threats during his career, with some also made towards his late mother.
He also said he needed to have an accelerated response tag fitted at his home address so he could speak to police in an emergency.
Coote was initially suspended by the PGMOL on 11 November after a video emerged on social media of him making derogatory comments about Liverpool and the club's former manager Jurgen Klopp.
He now says he apologises "to anybody who I've offended by my actions" and that he "was not sober" at the time the video was recorded.
On 13 November, the Sun published photos it says were taken during last year's European Championship, alleging that they appeared to show Coote sniffing a white powder through a rolled up US bank note.
His conduct is under investigation by the Football Association and European football's governing body Uefa.
Coote told the Sun he has been in an "incredibly dark place" since the photographs of him at the Euros were published and he was "not sure I'd here today" without the support of family and colleagues.
On 27 November, the FA opened a new investigation following an allegation that Coote had discussed giving a yellow card before a Championship match between Leeds and West Brom in 2019. He has always denied these allegations.
Discussing the events that led up to his sacking, he says his mum died suddenly in 2023 and at the same time his uncle was diagnosed with motor neurone disease.
In the 2023-24 season, he says he officiated more than 90 games around the world, followed by the European Championship and then the Olympics, and struggled with the pressure and stress of his work, adding: "The physical and psychological demands on match officials is really significant.
"I don't recognise myself in the cocaine video. I can't resonate with how I felt then, but that was me. I was struggling with the schedule and there was no opportunity to stop. And so I found myself in that position - escaping."
Coote told the Sun he is over his drug habit after having therapy and felt "a huge sense of shame" for what happened.
"I'm guilty of doing what I did, but I'm trying to be the best person that I can be now. I've taken steps to try and be the best I can be both from a physical and a mental wellbeing [perspective]," he added.
"To other people who are in my situation, I'd say seek help and talk to somebody because if you bottle it up like I have done, it has to come out in some way."
BBC Sport has contacted the PGMOL for comment.
